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The Transformative Power of Self-Focus

Posted on by Gull Khan

In a world constantly pulling us in a million different directions, it’s easy to lose sight of the one person who should matter the most—ourselves. The irony is that the more we chase external validation and success, the further we drift from the treasures that lie within. This is a journey about rediscovering those treasures. It’s not just about self-care or self-love; it’s about understanding the profound impact that self-focus can have on every facet of your life.

The Essence of Self-Focus

The concept of self-focus is frequently misconstrued, shrouded in myths and misconceptions. Far too often, it is mislabeled as narcissism, painting a picture of a self-absorbed individual who is devoid of empathy and consumed by a superficial sense of self-importance.

Yet, the essence of true self-focus could not be more distinct from this skewed portrayal. It is not about an inflated ego or an insatiable desire for attention. Instead, it is a journey toward nurturing one’s self-worth, bolstering self-esteem, and cultivating self-love—these are the foundational pillars of inner strength that form the unshakeable bedrock of your existence.

Understanding the Pillars of Self Focus

To truly grasp self-focus, one must distinguish between its fundamental components:

Self-esteem is akin to a mirror reflecting the external perception—how we believe the world perceives and judges us. It is shaped by our interactions, accomplishments, and the feedback we receive from our environment.

Self-worth, on the other hand, is the internal compass—how we value and perceive ourselves in the absence of external validation. It is an intrinsic sense of value that remains constant irrespective of our successes or failures.

Self-love is our acceptance and care for our very being, ensuring our actions and decisions nourish rather than deplete us. It is about treating ourselves with kindness, respect, and compassion.

The True Nature of Self-Focus

Genuine self-focus is not about harboring a sense of superiority or engaging in manipulative behaviors. Contrary to narcissism, which thrives on exploitation and the need to be perceived as better than others, authentic self-focus fosters well-being, resilience, and empathetic connections with others.

It is about recognizing our own worth and nurturing our well-being so that we can engage with the world from a place of strength and compassion.

A Case Study in Self-Worth

The archetype of the nurturing mother often tells a tale of self-sacrifice, of personal needs and desires being relegated to the background in favor of others. While this is celebrated as a virtue, it can lead to an individual becoming a drained vessel, incapable of offering her best to the world or to those she loves. Self-sacrifice without boundaries can result in burnout, resentment, and a loss of identity.

This is where the importance of self-worth comes into play. Self-worth sets the standards for what we accept and what we reject in our lives. It is about recognizing our own needs and ensuring they are met, not as an afterthought, but as a priority. By anchoring ourselves in self-love and recognizing our intrinsic value, we become impervious to negativity. We set our sights only on opportunities that amplify our sense of abundance and well-being.

The Path to Focused Self-Reflection

“But I am focusing on myself,” you might protest, citing massages, healthy eating, or even journaling. Yet, if true abundance eludes you, it’s time to examine the yardstick against which you’re measuring success. Is it genuinely yours, or is it borrowed from society’s skewed metrics?

Here’s how you can recalibrate and truly focus on yourself:

  • Embrace Gratitude: Accept and appreciate the good in your life without self-doubt. Gratitude begets more of the same.
  • Pursue Passions: Reconnect with hobbies or explore new interests. It’s not just about leisure; it’s about growth.
  • Journaling: Use this safe space to express thoughts, list gratitudes, and track behaviors. It’s a tool for self-awareness and gratitude-focused living.

The Transformative Power of Prioritizing Self

The journey inward is transformative. When we embark on this path, the effects ripple through every aspect of our lives:

Empowerment through Self-Love: In the tapestry of humanity, each of us is a unique thread. When we embrace our individuality, we uncover a wellspring of power. Authenticity becomes our strength, our shield, and our guiding star. This isn’t about ego; it’s about recognizing our intrinsic value and contributing our unique verse to the world’s ongoing poem.

Diminishing the Shadow of Negativity: A robust sense of self-worth is like a lighthouse in stormy seas, guiding us safely past the rocks of external judgment. When we no longer hinge our happiness on others’ approval, we find that negative comments lose their sting. This isn’t about isolation but insulation, protecting our inner flame from the gusts of criticism.

Crafting a Positive Reality: Our inner dialogue shapes our outer experience. When we view ourselves through a lens of compassion and positivity, we cultivate a fertile ground where seeds of abundance can take root and flourish. This isn’t wishful thinking; it’s a deliberate cultivation of a mindset that attracts prosperity.

The Art of Balanced Living: Happiness and Abundance

In the symphony of life, I’ve learned to turn down the volume of external chaos. News, debates, societal expectations—I’ve stepped back from these not out of ignorance but from a desire for clarity. This selective engagement isn’t about disconnection; it’s about discernment, choosing what deserves my attention and what doesn’t align with my inner harmony.

The quest for external validation is a mirage that I’ve ceased to chase. My compass is self-awareness, guiding me through the desert of negativity. It’s essential to be mindful of the company we keep, for like a garden, our minds are influenced by the seeds sown within it. This isn’t about exclusion; it’s about nurturing an environment conducive to growth.

In the delicate dance of life, balancing self-care with altruism is an art. Helping others brings joy, but not at the expense of our well-being. Mastering this balance is a key that unlocks doors to happiness and, subsequently, abundance. This isn’t selfishness; it’s sustainable compassion, ensuring we don’t pour from an empty cup.

Conclusion

Abundance isn’t a treasure at journey’s end; it’s a companion that walks beside us when we tread the path of self-discovery. Focusing on ourselves isn’t about building walls; it’s about aligning our inner truth with the world around us. In this harmony lies true wealth, not just materially but spiritually and emotionally. This alignment is the gateway to abundance, where what we give and receive resonates with the deepest parts of our being, creating a life not just lived, but cherished!

 

The Journey from Self-Worth to Abundance

Posted on by Gull Khan

In a world where the measure of a person often comes down to their achievements and external validation, it’s easy to confuse self-worth with self-esteem. Both concepts, while interconnected, hold distinct places in our understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. Today, let’s embark on a journey to demystify these concepts and unearth the true path to abundance.

The Parable of the Golden Buddha

Centuries ago, a village in Southeast Asia was home to a magnificent golden Buddha. This statue wasn’t just a religious icon; it was the heart of the community. However, as war approached, the villagers, fearing the worst, cloaked their treasured Buddha in clay to disguise its value.

The inevitable happened—the village was ravaged, and knowledge of the golden Buddha was lost. It wasn’t until the mid-20th century that, during the relocation of a monastery, a glimmer of gold was spotted beneath the clay. As layers were removed, the true splendor of the Buddha was revealed once more, now housed in its own temple, a testament to its enduring worth.

The golden Buddha is not just a sacred relic but a symbol of resilience and the eternal worth that lies within. It serves as a poignant reminder that true value can never be diminished by the sands of time or the trials of life, and that sometimes, the most extraordinary treasures are hidden in plain sight, waiting for the moment when they can shine once again.

Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem

The parable of the golden Buddha not only embodies the enduring saga of human civilization but also serves as an allegorical canvas upon which the intricate nuances of self-worth and self-esteem are vividly painted.

Just as the golden Buddha’s intrinsic value remained unscathed beneath layers of clay, our inherent self-worth is a constant, an unchanging core that exists independent of the vicissitudes of life and the judgments of the world.

Self-worth is akin to the quiet pulse of a hidden spring, a source that nourishes from within. It is the bedrock of our being, the unshakeable belief in our own significance, and the recognition of our innate human dignity.

This intrinsic value does not fluctuate with the seasons of our lives or the fortunes of our endeavors. It is as present in the infant’s first breath as it is in the sage’s last—it is an immutable truth of our existence.

Contrast this with self-esteem, which, much like the clay encasing the golden Buddha, is an external construct. It is the patina acquired through our interactions with the world, shaped and reshaped by the accolades we earn, the goals we achieve, and the recognition we garner. Self-esteem is the mirror held up by society, reflecting back at us an image that can either amplify our brightness or cast shadows of doubt.

Indeed, self-esteem is a mercurial companion, buoying us with a sense of pride in our moments of triumph, yet just as swiftly plunging us into the depths of despair when failure casts its gloomy pall. It is a measure not of who we are, but of how we are perceived, a gauge that varies with the perspectives and prejudices of those around us.

The Price of Misaligned Esteem

The repercussions of prioritizing external validation over internal worth are profound and far-reaching. Dr. Jennifer Crocker’s research provides a compelling glimpse into this dynamic. Her studies reveal that students who tethered their self-worth to external validation—like grades, appearance, or social approval—were more prone to stress, anger, and an array of detrimental behaviors. This relentless quest for approval led them down a path fraught with emotional turbulence and instability.

Conversely, students who cultivated a self-worth that was deeply rooted in an unshakeable belief in their intrinsic value exhibited remarkable academic and personal growth. Their well-being was not contingent on external accolades or achievements. Instead, it sprang from a steady and secure inner foundation.

These striking differences underscore the profound impact our internal beliefs exert on our external realities. When our esteem is misaligned—anchored in the shifting sands of external validation—we find ourselves on an unsteady, often treacherous terrain.

However, when our sense of worth is aligned with a deep and unwavering belief in our inherent value, we navigate life with greater stability, resilience, and fulfillment. It is this inner alignment that shapes our experiences, relationships, and ultimately, our destiny.

From Self-Worth to Abundance

Embarking on the journey to abundance is fundamentally a process of inward reflection and self-appreciation. It begins with a profound acknowledgment of our inherent self-worth. This is not about vanity or arrogance but recognizing that we, as individuals, possess an intrinsic value independent of external accolades or successes.

When we learn to value ourselves in this unconditioned manner, we naturally establish healthy boundaries, attract authentic opportunities, and navigate the complexities of life with greater resilience and grace.

In stark contrast, a deficiency in self-worth distorts our perception and our belief in what we rightfully deserve, constricting our access to the richness and fullness of life. It is akin to a magnificent statue of Buddha veiled in layers of clay—our true potential remains shrouded, eagerly awaiting our recognition and honor of our innate worth.

Cultivating Self-Worth

The elevation of self-worth is less about altering our external circumstances and more about an internal awakening. It begins with the subtle yet powerful practice of affirmations—positive, reinforcing statements that act as gentle yet persistent reminders of our inherent value. These affirmations are like seeds planted in the fertile soil of our consciousness, gradually taking root and bolstering our confidence and self-esteem.

Incorporating gratitude practices into our daily routine also plays a pivotal role in this transformation. By consciously shifting our focus from perceived deficiencies to an appreciation of the abundance that already exists in our lives, we raise our vibrational energy, enhancing our resilience and our ability to attract more positivity.

Equally important is learning the art of receiving gracefully. This is not merely about accepting gifts or compliments but encompasses a deeper dimension of trust, openness, and acknowledging our innate worthiness to receive the abundant gifts that life has to offer.

And perhaps most crucially, we must cease the harmful practice of negotiating our worth with others. Our right to desire and pursue a fulfilling life is inherent and non-negotiable. By steadfastly recognizing and honoring our worth, we take the first, most vital step towards unlocking our full potential and paving the way to a life of abundance.

Conclusion

When we align with our true self-worth, life unfolds with ease and serenity. This alignment is the essence of the journey from self-worth to abundance—a path not of seeking external validation, but of recognizing the golden radiance that has always resided within.

For a deeper dive into cultivating a mindset of abundance, visit https://www.millionairefoundations.com/ and discover the potential waiting to be uncovered within you.

Being the Best Version Of Yourself

Posted on by Gull Khan

Today we are going to be discussing you and how you can be the best version of yourself.

 

Stop Comparing Yourself

One of the biggest problems we face during our journey to wealth is comparing ourselves to others. We tend to believe that the other person is doing better than we are, for one reason or the other, and this is why we end up coming short of ourselves. However, I need you to understand that you are unique; there is no one else in the world more important than you and if you can focus more on bettering yourself rather than on what others are doing you will surely reach all the goals you are manifesting for yourself.

Regardless of the shortcomings and weaknesses you believe you have, you are still the most amazing being on this planet because there is only one you. There is no one like you in the world, no matter how hard they try to be and if identical twins end up having their differences from each other why would you want to be the same as anyone else? All the skills and abilities that you need to fulfill your life’s purpose have already been given to you by divine energy, the problem is that you are too busy so busy comparing yourself to the people around you that you cannot see them.

Personally, I am severely dyslexic and because of this there are various challenges I have to overcome every day such as speaking slowly however I cannot compare myself to someone who speaks more eloquently than I do because they are not facing the same situations I am. We all have our likes and dislikes, the things we prefer and the things we do not, and this is perfectly normal; stop trying to please everyone and instead accept who you are and what you can do. Build on your strengths and work on your shortcomings because truthfully no one is perfect.

Accept Yourself As You Are

Just like everyone else, you have your flaws and faults but if you do not accept yourself wholly then you will not be able to allow others to love and accept you as well. You can not expect other people to appreciate you when you do not appreciate yourself. No matter how much you emulate and imitate someone, you can never be that person nor can you truly be anyone other than yourself; if you spend your life trying to be a copy of someone else then you will end up miserable and unfulfilled because it simply is not possible.

It is your responsibility to be the best and most unique version of yourself possible, continuously being a better you daily because there is no one else who can be you not even a clone of yourself. Various things have made you who you are today – the choices you made, the paths you have chosen, the thoughts you have had, the circumstances you have undergone etcetera, and these specific quirks that makeup who you are cannot be emulated by anyone else on the planet. You are a unique being and no one can ever be you.

Everything you are going through in life is to prepare you for your next level. Your previous experiences have armed you with particular skills, abilities, and personality traits that you will need for the next level of your evolution. Just like in a video game, the next stage in our life is always going to be harder but the reward you earn from it is usually bigger than the last. When challenges arise you can choose to let them make you a bitter or better person; I heard a saying once that said ‘I asked God for strength and then he gave me challenges which required me to have strength. I asked God for faith and then he gave me certain circumstances where faith was the only option’ this applies to our daily lives because challenges will always come but how you allow these circumstances to affect you will determine whether you are growing or deteriorating.

You Are A Masterpiece

Everything you are going through in this life is shaping you into the masterpiece that you are destined to be. Whether you accept it or not, universal energy believes you are a work of art and that you deserve every good thing you want for yourself in this life but to reach this point, you have to go through various trials which will test your unique abilities and gifts; for example, a two hundred meter sprinter can run a marathon and a marathon runner can run a two hundred meter sprint but they each have their unique abilities which make them suited or their own races. Where a two-hundred-meter sprinter has more speed, a marathon runner has more stamina and longevity and these specific skills are what make them both great at their tasks.

Stop trying to copy people. You can be inspired by the work of someone else and learn new skills from them but in the end, you have to do something unique to you. God has a purpose for you that can not be fulfilled by anyone else on this planet, you are his amazing masterpiece and he did not create you by mistake. There is a plan for every one of us and even though we do not have the mental capacity to truly understand this plan, we must trust that universal energy knows what they are doing and that their timing is always right.

As we start this new year, make a promise to yourself to stop negative speech, especially self-speech. Whenever you feel those dark, low feelings do not voice them out, instead speak positive things into your life and allow yourself to be grateful to universal energy for making you their masterpiece. Comparing yourself to someone else is like comparing a cat, who has its specific skills for its own specific circumstances, to a fish which also has the same for its own unique purpose; Do not devalue yourself because you believe someone else is doing better than you are, you are amazing and even though you are a work in progress you are still a masterpiece.

Conclusion

Stop treating yourself like a second-class citizen and instead work on the things you believe you need to be better at for yourself, not for anyone else. Learn that skill you want to learn, try new hobbies, work on handling your emotions better and on any other shortcoming you believe you have to fix.

There are so many amazing things in your life, stop focusing on the one or two issues that you are facing and start accepting that you are an amazing individual with unique abilities and talents that make you who you are. Stop focusing on the black dot on the whiteboard and instead look at the massive amount of white that is left – you are amazing, you are a gift from God, you are a masterpiece and a few flaws do not change that fact. There is a reason you have been given this life at this moment so instead of putting yourself down and being negative towards yourself, find your purpose and believe in the plan that God has for your life.
Love and appreciate who divine energy has made you be and do not be a cheap copy of someone else.

Welcoming the new year by reflecting on last year

Posted on by Gull Khan

Today we will be discussing how to move on from last year – celebrating what we achieved and the lessons we learned – while welcoming and setting your targets for the new year.

Welcome to the new year

It seems like we were just celebrating Christmas in 2021 and now, in the blink of an eye, we are in 2023. Last year was a challenging year for me because there were a lot of things that I had to deal with in my personal life; this affected my professional life as well because I had to give most of my attention to my family and personal life during these trying times however thanks to divine energy I am still able to look back at last year with a sense of achievement and fulfillment that surprises even me.

Although I did not advance as much professionally last year, I was able to grow a lot as a person and I am truly grateful for everything that I learned in 2022. Similarly, you need to give yourself space to reflect on the previous year not based on the amount of money you made or other external factors but to look inwards and appreciate everything that you survived to get to where you are today. Allow yourself to meditate on the ups and downs that you had to handle in 2022 and to grow holistically not just focusing on the financial aspect of your advancement in life; If your sole purpose in life is to only grow financially then you are living an empty life.

The main success of life is not the monetary desires you have for yourself but who you become to achieve these goals. When I look at my last year financially, I realize it was very similar to 2021 meaning I did not grow much in that aspect last year mostly due to certain unforeseen circumstances in my personal life but even though I had to deal with different disappointments last year I dealt with all of them and came out on top which is why I can come here to celebrate today.

Celebrate your wins, no matter how small

Celebrate the times when you were able to overcome the challenges in your life and achieved things you never thought you would be able to achieve. One of the first things that happened to me around April last year was that I was involved in a terrible buggy accident while I was in Turkey, it was such a severe accident that I fell unconscious and I was so sure I had lost both my knees at a point. What surprised me the most though was the amount of strength I was able to show during the situation especially because my son was there and I was determined not to let him feel like he was responsible for the situation I was dealing with, regardless of the pain I was going through I needed to make sure that he did not grow up with the guilt of feeling he was to blame for the situation. Thank God nothing drastic happened to my leg.

As parents, we subconsciously try our best to make sure our children are living their lives happily and healthily yet we always end up second-guessing ourselves and looking for ways to do more for them, especially as working mothers. So I am proud of how I handled that situation and I am proud of my children and how they were able to rise to the occasion and support me during my healing process. That was one of my biggest achievements of 2022; even though it added nothing to me monetarily, I was able to show the true strength of my character and be a good example for my children by getting through the situation. Value who you are and what you were able to achieve last year and the years before that, trust universal energy and let them continue to lead you down the path of who you are becoming; personally, I rely on Allah for everything no matter how big or small the situation is and because of this I am becoming the type of person I can be proud of.

Be proud of yourself

Honestly examine the challenging situations you faced and ask yourself how you overcame them. How did you deal with it? What did you learn from the experience? What about that incident made you feel proud of yourself? Celebrate your achievements, congratulate yourself for how you behaved, and be proud of yourself for being able to deal with the situation.

Another big moment in 2022 for me was when my son ended up in the Accident & Emergency and had to have an emergency operation. As a mother, of course, I was very stressed and worried about him but I also made sure that throughout the entire period I was celebrating God’s help and thanking him in advance for his help during our situation. I remained thankful to divine energy from the beginning to the end and I expected God to help me even though times were challenging. Today my son is normal and 100% healthy again.

No matter what I am dealing with, I remain constantly grateful to divine energy and I make sure my faith in them does not falter. Every step of the way, universal energy created a solution for me and in the end, God was able to find a way out for me in the most divine way. The third incident that almost broke me completely was when my daughter ended up in the Accident & Emergency as well in December just after school had closed. She is home now and doing better although they are still checking up on her from time to time however it is no longer a life-or-death situation and for that, I am thankful to God. What made this situation more difficult than my son’s was that I realized I was not as expectant as I was before, for a few hours my faith did falter to the point where I had to let my brother stay with her while I took some time off to control my emotions and be the parent she needed me to be in that moment.

I fell below the personal standards I usually have and instead of believing I ended up crying to divine energy and even being angry about it yet I did not allow myself to wallow in self-criticism for falling short this time; We are all human and we are all having a human experience on earth even though we are spiritual beings so there will always be moments we fall short of the high standards we set for ourselves. When these periods occur, you have to give yourself space to feel those intense emotions and I look back on that moment with maturity instead of self-loathing, instead of judging myself during these moments I can now ask for God’s strength and forgiveness in my times of weakness. So I gave myself enough time to calm down and was able to love myself enough to start behaving like the mother my daughter needed and I expected myself to be. Today I am proud of myself for giving my human side time to feel and even though my faith faltered I was able to bounce back and hold on to divine energy again.

Conclusion

On this journey to wealth you will have moments of doubts, challenges, and disappointments along the way but it is during these periods that you have to continuously ask God to help you overcome them. There will be times you will wonder if your dream is even worth it in the end but you must realize that you are being tested and remain loyal to yourself and to divine energy.
Allow yourself to feel your human emotions and experience both versions of you – the one that handles situations with faith and trust and the one who has meltdowns and whose faith falters sometimes without dwelling in this state. Look at your life and see what you have personally achieved in the past year.

What lessons are you taking from 2022 into 2023 to allow you to develop and grow as a person? How have you grown and how can you use all that you have learned to help others? How can you have an abundant life not just financially but in all areas of your life? Celebrate the good, bad, and ugly of 2022 and allow all that you learned to help you as you move forward on your journey to wealth.

Value yourself first before you become wealthy

Posted on by Gull Khan

Today we are going to be discussing why you need to value yourself first before you start to see your wealth.
During a recent session with my mastermind, we discussed the financial trauma of our pasts and how important it is for us to forgive ourselves for them and allow ourselves to move forward from said trauma. It was during this session that I realised how much pain and anger we as individuals hold against ourselves and how we set unrealistic standards for ourselves then get upset at ourselves for not meeting these standards.

Do you value yourself?

Generally, most of us do not see any reason to place value on ourselves and this is a terrible mentality to have when you are aiming to be wealthy. We never appreciate who we are and the unfortunate thing about this is if you do not have any value for yourself as a person then there will always be something missing in your life. No matter how much money you have, how many awards you receive, how many successful businesses you own, or whether you have a thriving family life, if you do not allow yourself to appreciate where you are now and what you are accomplishing then you will never truly be wealthy.

What is wealth?

Wealth is not determined by the amount of money you have in your bank account. Of course, I believe money should be one of your best friends; I am not going to be metaphysical and say ‘happiness is your wealth’ because having money is important, but truthfully there are many people who have a lot of wealth in their bank accounts and yet are still poor. To be truly wealthy, you have to have abundance in all areas of your life – your relationships, your health, your happiness, your mental health and of course your bank accounts. The true extent of your wealth does not stop at just making money so you cannot let money be your only focus in life; you cannot allow amassing money to be the source of your happiness. This realisation that there is more to wealth is what has allowed me to recognize the importance of appreciating who you are no matter the phase you are going through in your life.

You are valuable

During one of my workshops, I spoke on the difference between self-esteem and self-worth and I believe that self-esteem is something you continuously work on and strive to achieve while self-worth is independent of all your achievements, you need to make a conscious effort to accept that you are valuable just the way you are, no matter where you are in life. A pastor I listened to once explained that no matter what you have done or how much of a sinner you believe you are, God does not see you that way. Divine energy does not look down on you because you have sinned nor does Universal energy look down on you because you believe you have not lived up to your own expectations, no matter what the situation may be they are always supporting you and will always be there to guide you on the right path. Someone once told me that the universe is always trying to lead the right way no matter the wrong paths you have taken in the past, just like our satellite navigation system for example and how, when you take a wrong turn, she is always ready to readjust her directions and guide you back on your right path without looking down on you and criticising you for your mistake.
Similarly, Universal energy does not condemn you for the mistakes or wrong turns you have made in life and is always ready to put you back on the right track. There is nothing you can achieve that will make God or Universal energy love you more and there is nothing you can do that will make them hate you or dislike you either however that does not change karmic debt and the laws of sowing and reaping so if you are committing crimes or if you are attracting low vibrational energy then what you give is what you get back in return, that is universal and is the consequence of your own actions, not God punishing you.
As a child, my mother used to say that God loves us more than seventy mothers meaning God loves you seventy times more than your mother who already loves you more than anyone else in the world. This confused me because I remember thinking ‘If God loves me why does He punish me when I make a mistake? Why would God not forgive me when my mother can forgive me when I do something wrong?’ but now I have come to understand that there is a cause and effect for everything. God is not punishing you for doing wrong; rather, according to universal law, your actions and wrongdoings from the past are what come back and cause problems for you in the future. So in truth, you are punishing yourself later with your wrongdoings now.

Appreciate who you are

As human beings, criticising ourselves always comes so easily to us. Sometimes, even when we are doing things right we find reasons to look at the things we could have done better and criticise ourselves for them. You realise that you are constantly holding yourself to these ridiculously high expectations; asking yourself why you did not give a better presentation, whether you could have controlled your temper more, if you made all the right statements or wishing you were a better parent to your kids and this constant search for imperfections only makes you look down on yourself and see yourself negatively. Self-improvement is good, you should constantly strive to improve yourself and to remain in happiness and joy, not anger and frustration but you must also accept that you are a work in progress; if you were meant to be perfect, God would have made you that way.
We all have our individuality and our various quirks, our good, our bad, and our ugly’s but all these things are part of what makes us who we are now. The problem with the majority of us is we constantly look for our imperfections and shortcomings when really we need to accept that we are having a physical experience in a physical body and therefore will always have one shortcoming or the other. We are always going to make mistakes but what is most important is that we learn from these mistakes and not have unrealistic expectations of who we need to be or where we should be heading because these kinds of expectations are what hold us back from adequately loving ourselves and properly appreciating who we are as individuals.
This morning I woke up and I felt like I looked beautiful. My abusive ex-husband was a textbook narcissist and being married to him was the worst seven years of my life so it took me a long time to get where I am today but this morning, I looked in the mirror and told myself that I was beautiful and that I was gorgeous. And these were not affirmations, this was me appreciating my physical body for where she is now. Of course there are still things I would like to achieve, I still want to be a smaller size and I would still like to be healthier but overall I appreciated myself and I gave her all the love and compassion that I hardly ever showed her in the past. I found that I was always looking at my body when I was uncomfortable and it was in these uncomfortable moments that I focused on the negatives and found one imperfection or another with myself but now, especially recently, I tell myself how beautiful I am and I allow myself focus on the positive parts and the things I love about my physical body. I appreciate things about myself that I genuinely and truthfully love and refuse to let these negative imperfections make me feel less than who I am. I will always strive to improve and be a better version of myself but that does not change the fact that I am perfect just the way I am. There are so many things we can improve on in life and these things are ongoing but when you look in the mirror I want you to see yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and be proud of who you are, no matter your emotional scars. When I look in the mirror I allow myself to see this strong independent woman and I love her and where she is now no matter what I have been through or the emotional scars that I have, I am extremely proud of myself and that’s how you need to be with yourself as well.
Nobody knows your story and no one knows what you have been through to get to this point except you so it is your responsibility to be your own best friend. The only relationship you know is going to be with you forever is the one you have with yourself; when we die, our physical bodies will remain in this dimension and only our spirits will cross over to the next one so you need to stop being so hard on yourself and criticising yourself. You need to stop beating your body up and instead, look at yourself in the mirror and show your body more love and gratitude.

Conclusion

Appreciate yourself for getting up every time you fell and for all the hardships you have overcome to get to where you are now and once you start recognizing that you are a miracle and you begin to recognize your higher self constantly telling you how amazing you are, you are going to see your life transform and you are going to start to appreciate yourself for the things you are currently taking for granted. You are amazing and you deserve all the miracles, abundance, and happiness heading your way and if you do not allow yourself to feel like you deserve everything that the universe has to offer then you will self-sabotage, in one form of your wealth or the other. Strive to be a better person than you were yesterday, to help more people today than you did yesterday, to control your emotions better than you did yesterday, and as always, continue to improve yourself daily. Build a better relationship with yourself and watch how having a healthy, happy relationship with yourself would raise your vibration and steer abundance and wealth in your direction.

Letting go of things that no longer serve you

Posted on by Gull Khan

These things could be anything, it could be people, ideas, beliefs, habits, or even certain hobbies. Those things that no longer serve you no longer help you to better yourself or improve yourself to achieve your goals or manifest the kind of life you want or desire.

In order to take note of those things that no longer serve you, you need to constantly reassess your life to see where you are, where you want to go, how far you are and what’s causing the delay and holding you from getting there.

This is something that played a major deal in my life, I let go of a lot of things that no longer serve me. I am very focused on what goal it is that I want to achieve at any given time. Recently one of my life goals was my son’s 11 plus, he has just finished all his exams, we are equally done with all the interviews and we will see which schools he gets into. I made this a priority so everything else took a backseat including going out with friends or having family over. I’m able to make these commitments and focus on them because I’m so focused on my goals but at times you find that we lose sight of what’s important or how something makes us feel and we think we are being patient and we ignore how it makes us feel.

I have someone in my life at the moment who is a constant pain at times in my life and I’ve done call cutting and then forgiving. I’m triggered by anything that this individual does when it comes to me because I’ve been on the receiving end of it. However, when it comes to my children, I have some expectations of behavior towards them and what a father should be and he falls short of that. He only comes to see the kids once a week and by the way I found out today that he has been telling people that I only allow him to see kids once a week which is completely false. I have been dealing with this individual for the longest time possible and every time I think of no longer having any kind of interaction with him but I have to consider my kids, When he comes late, doesn’t turn up or lets them down, I always get caught up in the middle.

Back in October, I planned a trip for him to take the kids for a couple of days to the theme park, I arranged an Airbnb and two weeks before that he cancelled on them. He didn’t tell me directly but my brother, he told them that he was going to Pakistan so he wasn’t able to take the kids. I had to cancel my plans to take the kids to the theme park. This kind of behavior is very normal for me to just drop my life and pick up whenever he lets the kids down and it’s been happening more frequently, I always let it go.

I’m trying to constantly build that relationship between him and the children because I think the kids really need to have a healthy positive image of their father. Recently, the behavior is just really agitating me as the way he treats his children including not giving them pocket money on a weekly basis. The kids have to constantly ask him and he still doesn’t. When I had all these excuses about why I couldn’t let this person go and the guilts came up, my cousin said to me, “what’s your biggest fear?” and this is the reason why I want to share this story with you. When we don’t let go of things, it’s usually because we have some fear behind it. I found out while I was talking to her, my biggest fear about not letting this individual go or having more strict boundaries with him and having blurred boundaries because I would put up with so much and just say, it doesn’t matter because he’s the kids’ father and she said because you keep letting him cross boundaries and putting up with things you shouldn’t really put up with, intolerable things, you have allowed him to disrespect you multiple times. If he was supposed to come at 12, he comes at the top at 2:30 and still gets angry at me because Who the hell am I to tell him what time he should come. The kids being late for their lesson is not a big deal or the end of the world kind of attitude. This idea that he can disrespect me just because he could even as we are no longer married. How am I creating the boundaries and how have I let go of him? I’m not married on paper but I’m still emotionally married because I have put up with his rubbish.

And this hit me really hard and I felt like a hypocrite at that point because I am always telling people to let go of things that no longer serve them. When it comes to habits, money and friends, this one individual has been so horrible and difficult for me to deal with over a number of years. We have been separated and divorced for six years, I am still dealing with all sorts of rubbish because I felt guilty that if I didn’t put up with this, the kids would lose out on their father. Him being a father is no longer my responsibility because he has not been for the last six years. I have somehow felt the need to self-sacrifice my dignity and self-respect in order for the kids to have a father and this was when I realized that I was no longer willing to do so. This idea of being the perfect mother and being all self-sacrificing, I had to let go of that.

I didn’t have to let go of this individual, I had to let go of the idea of the kind of mother I had to be in order to be a good mother and in order to be a good person, When I chose to stand up for myself when I first let go of him back in 2016, the lines were blurred because I was trying to be a good mother and trying to make him a good father and I realized I can’t do that for him, he has to choose to be a good dad or not. It’s his autonomy, it’s his personal decision and we are not able to control anybody else’s willpower, we need to do what’s right for us at the same time, we have to listen and really pay attention to how other people behave towards us and they don’t have to choose with respect. I’m not saying everybody has to respect you, but if they choose not to treat you with respect, then you should choose not to have them as part of your life, it doesn’t matter what or who they are. This could be a parent, a family member, in my case, it is my children’s father.

You have to make decisions for yourself, decisions that serve you and this relationship no longer serves me, I was trying to put up with his behavior even though it really annoyed me and I really felt sad for my kids because he would see them only once a week for a few hours and then that’s it, I shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of behavior.

I was willing to put up with this because I felt if I ever rock the boat, kids will lose out on their dad and I was trying my best to make sure the kids have a father. Only recently while talking to my cousin that I realized that I had to let go of the need to be the perfect mother because that no longer serves me. Me being a good mother has served me up until now because it motivated me to work hard for me, for my business and for me to show my children what’s possible for them and what they can create in their life, but in this situation, I am human and I have certain boundaries that I need people to respect and I need to respect myself and while he is disrespecting me, I am not respecting myself because I’m allowing him to disrespect me and therefore I have to put on the boundaries and this is what I’ve done recently and I felt guilty about it the first couple days because I thought I was going to mess up my children heads, but I realized that that’s not the case. I can give them a stable home, I can bring them up the best way possible, I can give them all the love and nurturing that they need and then let them make the decisions for whoever else wants to be part of their life or does not. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s behavior, so I let go of the need to always be the good person, the better person, the person who sacrifices her own self-respect in order for the kids to have a good relationship with their other parent.

This also got me reassessing my beliefs and my habits, I took itinerary of everybody who’s in my life and if you are no longer serving me, I just pull away from there and at the same time I do that for beliefs and ideas and habits as well. In my 20s, I got into the habit of drinking a lot of Coke and when I stopped drinking Coke, like about 15 years. Now I drink every now and then, but it’s no longer the kind of addiction that I had when I was 20. Another habit would be whenever I become dependent on something, I don’t like to be addicted to anything because addictions don’t serve you. If something is a healthy habit, that’s great but if it’s not, it becomes an addiction that will not serve you.

You need to take a regular itinerary of your habits, thoughts, ideas and people around you and see who serves you, and who doesn’t. If it’s friends and other people, it’s easier to let go. If it’s a family that you have a day-to-day interaction with, it is a bit more difficult to let go of them but then that’s where you put strong boundaries. In my case he’s not my family but he’s family to my kids so I gave myself six months. Six months to see how he behaves with his kids and then I’ll reassess this idea of him and I having a plain zero contact at all and then we’ll take it from there but you have to find a balance between what’s right for you and what you think is right for everyone else and as a parent that’s more difficult.

How do we compromise or find a middle ground?

Most of the time, compromising for kids will always win. Only recently have I actually begun to go for what’s best for me and my kids and not just my kids, I have begun to factor myself as well. Sometimes it might not be the best thing for the kids or me but it will be somewhere in the middle and this is what we’re doing at the moment in my personal life. Being a mother is something I hold in high regard, I see it as a privilege, a responsibility to two life forms given to me by divine energy to shape their minds and their ideas and help them become two young people who can go out and change the world so I take this responsibility very seriously, their mental well-being as well as emotional well-being is of the highest importance to me.

Therefore I do everything possible I can for them so this idea that I will no longer be in any having any kind of contact with the father for the next six months is a difficult one for me because I know this will have a detrimental impact on their relationship with the dad, if he bothers to do anything with them but It is a decision that I had to make for myself. Now think about that decision you have put off, people, ideas and situations that are no longer serving you but you are putting up with it because you don’t want any contention, argument, controversy or because you feel obligated to just put up with those certain things.

A lot of times it’s with family members and also people who you have known for a long time. Make yourself a priority, your opinions matter, your views matter and you matter. In order for you to become wealthy, you have to be happy. If things are no longer serving you, they are going to cause you to feel awkward, upset and give you toxicity in your energy.

One of the things that was really shocking to me was when I called my cousin after an incident with my ex, as soon as I said hello, she asked, “okay, what happened this time?”

I asked how she knew something happened, She said every time I speak to her and he has upset me, I always have this certain tonality and I found that surprising and she went further to say that this is because this person’s really toxic to you and you keep putting up with it because you think you need to be in order to be a good mother.

We need to think about what things or situations you are putting up with because you feel obligated to, or for whatever reason, in my case it was for my kids. Is it because you are a people pleaser, If you are a people pleaser then own the fact that you are a people pleaser and you have to change that, you have to take more control over yourself.

Conclusion

Find out what’s happening in your life that’s not serving you because if something or someone isn’t serving you, it will cause you to be in a negative vibration and this in turn can attract negative things to you.

I wasn’t really paying attention to that until my cousin pointed it out. If this person becomes toxic and I’m in this toxic energy for a long period of time, what kind of abundance am I attracting to myself? Money is one kind of abundance but abundance also spans across your happiness, family health not just your bank account.

What things are you dealing with, what things do you have in your life that are no longer serving you and are holding you back from achieving your true happiness?

Being happy in most areas of your life is what truly matters.

Boundaries Essential For Self-Love and Self-care

Posted on by Gull Khan

When loving yourself and also in order not to be manipulated or people wasting your time, you need to set some boundaries or lay down some rules clearly. Boundaries cause people to respect you and your time.

Ways Boundaries Works In My Life

1. Respecting my time

I come from South Asian background, I was born in Manchester and grew up in London, my parents are originally from Lahore, Pakistan and they were both born in India so we are Punjabis and South Asian, we are very merry people and we are used to having lots of guests, friends and families and the concept of asking before you turn up does not exist, everyone just turns up whenever they feel like it.

When I was younger, I began to train my family and friends that they need to send a message across before showing up at my house because I am busy and I have other commitments. You pre-arrange before you show up and I know it became more common in my family and people messaged me before they showed up rather than just showing up. Subconsciously, I did this because of my commitments to work and my kids, I don’t like people calling me randomly either, my phone is on flight mode or DND so nobody’s calls can go through when I am working.

If I get a call, I will answer if it’s from a number that I recognize or I send those voicemails asking them to leave me a message and for me to get back to them and I realized that I have been doing this to my family and friends as well. They have to arrange time to speak with me and I get them to respect my time now because I respect my time, I didn’t realize I had done it so well until it was brought to my attention.

My school pickup and drop off time is between three and six. There are a couple of people like my brother and some of my cousins who would call me at that time, if it’s them I would answer, if not, I would not answer and just say, I’m sorry I can’t speak right now and give them a call much later. I am very clear in my mind that if someone calls me without arranging to see if I am free, they are not respecting my time, Of course I’m happy to speak to people but in a time that we can arrange which is convenient for the both of us. If I’m working or doing something else, cooking, there are a number of things that I could be doing, you can’t just call and expect me to answer.

There is this family member from Pakistan, they just randomly called and I actually said to them that I was busy at the moment and I wasn’t busy at the time, I was doing a mundane task but I didn’t want them to think that they can just call me anytime and I will answer, I asked if it was urgent and they said no so I said “I’m sorry, I’m busy at the moment, I’ll call when it’s more convenient” and I arranged a time with them and I called back.

Don’t be rude, I am telling you to be very vigilant with your time management and allow people understand that your time is precious and they need to respect you and respect your time, you have to stand up and respect yourself, respect your time and this will enforce other people to follow suit and do the same, if you think that you can carry on being a doormat and become wealthy.

People ask why a nice person doesn’t last and good things don’t happen to good people. Good things do happen to good people, good people just have to be more vigilant and be more mindful so they don’t let people manipulate them. it is one of the reasons why you have to be really careful about who you allow in your space .You have to be very careful with your time.

I don’t care who you are or who calls if it’s a number that I don’t recognize, I will pick it up incase it is urgent and ask if it’s urgent and when they say yes or no, depending on who is on the line, if it’s not urgent, it doesn’t matter who it is, I’ll ask them to call back later around a particular time and if they do not call me back during that time, I will not answer. I am very clear about that, if you need to you contact me otherwise, you can through email and I don’t read lengthy emails either.

I do respect my time and I want you to respect your time. It’s one of the first boundaries that you have to lay down, very clearly.

2. Learn to say no

The second one is related to people respecting you but it’s a bit more deeper. If you can enforce your first boundary and get people to start respecting your time, the second one becomes a non-issue. People don’t tend to do the second one if they’re already respecting you and that is manipulating you for money and other things emotionally, blackmailing you to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do.

So the second boundary is about learning to say no. I remember when I first learned how to say no, it was really hard. I come from a family, like my mother who was overly generous, she had 14 siblings which she helped out financially and otherwise, every single one of them, a lot of the time. She would give things to them by taking them away from my kids, she takes the money and gives it to somebody else who needs it more. That was her idea of generosity, when I look back in time, I do believe in giving and generosity, but this is why one of the bank accounts we talk about the three steps to cash flow street is charity and charity has 10% in there for a reason. People who are overly generous, people who are empaths, and who it’s in their nature to be generous give more than they should and I think you should calculate a 10% until you do have sufficient amount of money in your bank account, until then 10% is efficient.

I remember one time, this uncle of mine who’s passed away now, he was a younger brother of hers and he demanded, he didn’t ask ,that she give him 5,000 pounds. This was about 30 years ago, I was about to enter into my teenage years. And I remember this clearly because he asked her for this huge amount of money which was 5,000 pounds, which was a lot of money for a woman who was working God knows how many hours at this factory and making only a hundred pounds a week. If she had the money, she would definitely send it but she didn’t have the money so she said no and he got so upset with her, how dare she say no to him when she has helped everybody else out, how she has never helped him out, he didn’t speak to her for years thereafter and I found out that even though he was not asking, he was demanding, she helped because she was so used to helping people.

He knew that she helped everyone else so how can she not help him. It doesn’t matter how she got the money, She needs to get the money and send it to him. So that kind of behavior and my mother still didn’t learn by the way, God bless her soul, she was just a very generous person. You need to set boundaries and especially if you are on this path of enlightenment and you want to be prosperous at the same time, you need to lay down boundaries, you’re not a bank. If people want money, they shouldn’t come to you, they should go to their bank and you are not a bank and you should not be bailing people out, don’t enable people, empower people, help them to help themselves. There’s an old saying that if you give a man fish, he eats for a day, you teach how to fish, he feeds for the rest of his life.

You need to help people that want to help themselves, you don’t want to be helping people who don’t want to learn how to fish. They just want you to give them the fish every single day and the day you stop giving them the fish, they get angry. There are times when you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, and you can’t say no because of such a situation.

A situation where if I didn’t help, this person would be out on the streets. I am trying to lay down boundaries so that this situation can be controlled and can be taken care of as quickly as possible but at the same time, I don’t want to feel like I have been taken advantage of, it gives a really wrong energy.

My brother is just similar to my mom, God bless his soul. He is easily taken advantage of and he just feels compelled to be in this situation as things are and there was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t help this individual because it was a girl so I stepped in and I am able to help but people would take advantage of it because they think they can. I am seen as someone who’s done well and they clearly asked me if I can pay the legal fees as well and I said “No I am sorry, this is your responsibility. I am afraid I can’t do that, you have to pay the money” My brother would have nodded and found ways to justify. I’m not gonna lie, I do have the money but I have refused to pay it.

I was doing enough as it is and it was very clear and the way it was requested was similar to the tone that my uncle used on my mother a while ago where it was demanded, I wasn’t asked if I could loan it to them or if I could help them. You need to give yourself permission to say no, plain and simple, when you learn to say no, that becomes a very empowering skill that you have.

You can say no initially and have a change of heart afterwards, If you do have a change of heart, you don’t feel pressured into saying yes at that very moment, you are happy to help, they would be more elated to hear this news. If you say yes because you’re obligated to say yes but later on when you go away, you think about it and you can’t help them and you pick the phone, call up and tell them that you found out you can’t help them, they will feel bad and upset towards you.

Conclusion

I hope we now understand how boundaries enable our self care and self love and how they go hand in hand in your journey to becoming wealthy. If you don’t love yourself enough to value your time, then you are never going to become wealthy.

If you can’t value your time, you will not value your money. It’s as simple as that. Love and respect yourself and your time and enforce other people to do the same.

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