Gull Khan

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Tag: Self-care

Value yourself first before you become wealthy

Today we are going to be discussing why you need to value yourself first before you start to see your wealth.
During a recent session with my mastermind, we discussed the financial trauma of our pasts and how important it is for us to forgive ourselves for them and allow ourselves to move forward from said trauma. It was during this session that I realised how much pain and anger we as individuals hold against ourselves and how we set unrealistic standards for ourselves then get upset at ourselves for not meeting these standards.

Do you value yourself?

Generally, most of us do not see any reason to place value on ourselves and this is a terrible mentality to have when you are aiming to be wealthy. We never appreciate who we are and the unfortunate thing about this is if you do not have any value for yourself as a person then there will always be something missing in your life. No matter how much money you have, how many awards you receive, how many successful businesses you own, or whether you have a thriving family life, if you do not allow yourself to appreciate where you are now and what you are accomplishing then you will never truly be wealthy.

What is wealth?

Wealth is not determined by the amount of money you have in your bank account. Of course, I believe money should be one of your best friends; I am not going to be metaphysical and say ‘happiness is your wealth’ because having money is important, but truthfully there are many people who have a lot of wealth in their bank accounts and yet are still poor. To be truly wealthy, you have to have abundance in all areas of your life – your relationships, your health, your happiness, your mental health and of course your bank accounts. The true extent of your wealth does not stop at just making money so you cannot let money be your only focus in life; you cannot allow amassing money to be the source of your happiness. This realisation that there is more to wealth is what has allowed me to recognize the importance of appreciating who you are no matter the phase you are going through in your life.

You are valuable

During one of my workshops, I spoke on the difference between self-esteem and self-worth and I believe that self-esteem is something you continuously work on and strive to achieve while self-worth is independent of all your achievements, you need to make a conscious effort to accept that you are valuable just the way you are, no matter where you are in life. A pastor I listened to once explained that no matter what you have done or how much of a sinner you believe you are, God does not see you that way. Divine energy does not look down on you because you have sinned nor does Universal energy look down on you because you believe you have not lived up to your own expectations, no matter what the situation may be they are always supporting you and will always be there to guide you on the right path. Someone once told me that the universe is always trying to lead the right way no matter the wrong paths you have taken in the past, just like our satellite navigation system for example and how, when you take a wrong turn, she is always ready to readjust her directions and guide you back on your right path without looking down on you and criticising you for your mistake.
Similarly, Universal energy does not condemn you for the mistakes or wrong turns you have made in life and is always ready to put you back on the right track. There is nothing you can achieve that will make God or Universal energy love you more and there is nothing you can do that will make them hate you or dislike you either however that does not change karmic debt and the laws of sowing and reaping so if you are committing crimes or if you are attracting low vibrational energy then what you give is what you get back in return, that is universal and is the consequence of your own actions, not God punishing you.
As a child, my mother used to say that God loves us more than seventy mothers meaning God loves you seventy times more than your mother who already loves you more than anyone else in the world. This confused me because I remember thinking ‘If God loves me why does He punish me when I make a mistake? Why would God not forgive me when my mother can forgive me when I do something wrong?’ but now I have come to understand that there is a cause and effect for everything. God is not punishing you for doing wrong; rather, according to universal law, your actions and wrongdoings from the past are what come back and cause problems for you in the future. So in truth, you are punishing yourself later with your wrongdoings now.

Appreciate who you are

As human beings, criticising ourselves always comes so easily to us. Sometimes, even when we are doing things right we find reasons to look at the things we could have done better and criticise ourselves for them. You realise that you are constantly holding yourself to these ridiculously high expectations; asking yourself why you did not give a better presentation, whether you could have controlled your temper more, if you made all the right statements or wishing you were a better parent to your kids and this constant search for imperfections only makes you look down on yourself and see yourself negatively. Self-improvement is good, you should constantly strive to improve yourself and to remain in happiness and joy, not anger and frustration but you must also accept that you are a work in progress; if you were meant to be perfect, God would have made you that way.
We all have our individuality and our various quirks, our good, our bad, and our ugly’s but all these things are part of what makes us who we are now. The problem with the majority of us is we constantly look for our imperfections and shortcomings when really we need to accept that we are having a physical experience in a physical body and therefore will always have one shortcoming or the other. We are always going to make mistakes but what is most important is that we learn from these mistakes and not have unrealistic expectations of who we need to be or where we should be heading because these kinds of expectations are what hold us back from adequately loving ourselves and properly appreciating who we are as individuals.
This morning I woke up and I felt like I looked beautiful. My abusive ex-husband was a textbook narcissist and being married to him was the worst seven years of my life so it took me a long time to get where I am today but this morning, I looked in the mirror and told myself that I was beautiful and that I was gorgeous. And these were not affirmations, this was me appreciating my physical body for where she is now. Of course there are still things I would like to achieve, I still want to be a smaller size and I would still like to be healthier but overall I appreciated myself and I gave her all the love and compassion that I hardly ever showed her in the past. I found that I was always looking at my body when I was uncomfortable and it was in these uncomfortable moments that I focused on the negatives and found one imperfection or another with myself but now, especially recently, I tell myself how beautiful I am and I allow myself focus on the positive parts and the things I love about my physical body. I appreciate things about myself that I genuinely and truthfully love and refuse to let these negative imperfections make me feel less than who I am. I will always strive to improve and be a better version of myself but that does not change the fact that I am perfect just the way I am. There are so many things we can improve on in life and these things are ongoing but when you look in the mirror I want you to see yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and be proud of who you are, no matter your emotional scars. When I look in the mirror I allow myself to see this strong independent woman and I love her and where she is now no matter what I have been through or the emotional scars that I have, I am extremely proud of myself and that’s how you need to be with yourself as well.
Nobody knows your story and no one knows what you have been through to get to this point except you so it is your responsibility to be your own best friend. The only relationship you know is going to be with you forever is the one you have with yourself; when we die, our physical bodies will remain in this dimension and only our spirits will cross over to the next one so you need to stop being so hard on yourself and criticising yourself. You need to stop beating your body up and instead, look at yourself in the mirror and show your body more love and gratitude.

Conclusion

Appreciate yourself for getting up every time you fell and for all the hardships you have overcome to get to where you are now and once you start recognizing that you are a miracle and you begin to recognize your higher self constantly telling you how amazing you are, you are going to see your life transform and you are going to start to appreciate yourself for the things you are currently taking for granted. You are amazing and you deserve all the miracles, abundance, and happiness heading your way and if you do not allow yourself to feel like you deserve everything that the universe has to offer then you will self-sabotage, in one form of your wealth or the other. Strive to be a better person than you were yesterday, to help more people today than you did yesterday, to control your emotions better than you did yesterday, and as always, continue to improve yourself daily. Build a better relationship with yourself and watch how having a healthy, happy relationship with yourself would raise your vibration and steer abundance and wealth in your direction.

Embracing Your Ugly to Make Money

Today we are going to be discussing how to successfully embrace your ugly in order to key into your wealth and, as usual, I am going to share a recent personal experience with you to help explain my point.
Making money for yourself is a journey and on this journey of becoming abundant and wealthy, it is important for you to understand that you cannot let things from your past make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel less than who you are.

What is your ugly?

Your ugly, in this case, has nothing to do with your physical features or the imperfections you believe you see in your mirror every day but are in fact those experiences and moments of embarrassment that you feel you can never get away from no matter how hard you try.

Personally, I have had to deal with a lot of ugly moments in my life and as a British-born Pakistani woman, there has always been some stigma attached to these moments from my community. I have been divorced twice and in both marriages, I dealt with some form of abuse – physical abuse from my first husband and verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my second one who eventually left me with the most trauma, emotionally and energetically; One of the things he said to me towards the end, after I had caught him cheating and he had confessed to various other awful things he had done, was that no one would say anything to him even after what he had done to me and all fingers would eventually end up pointing in my direction since I was the one who had been divorced before.
And unfortunately, he was right. People from our community would not care about the reason behind it or if there was something harmful about the relationship, they would just think ‘She has been divorced twice? She must have a bad character or she is rude or she cannot keep a husband’ and in the end, the vast majority would blame me. But even though I knew there was truth in his statement and that it was about to be my new reality, I embraced the ugly of both divorces publicly and now I can proudly say that I am a completely empowered woman, a seven-figure earner with multiple businesses and a proud mother despite it all. And yet there are still times when people, especially people of Pakistani or Indian origin, have judged me and expressed how they believe something is wrong with me.

Recently, I went to the Pakistani embassy to get an ID card since I have never needed one until now and although I had all my other documents with me there; I did not have any of my marriage or divorce certificates as I did not think it was something that I would need to portray my origin. Unfortunately, I soon realised that it was necessary information as this person began to loudly ask several questions about my personal life in the middle of the embassy ‘Are you married or single?’ he began, I replied I was currently divorced ‘Do you have your marriage and divorce certificates with you?’ I replied I didn’t have a marriage certificate but I had a divorce certificate for the first one which he did not seem to understand so I explained to him that I had been divorced twice. I saw the judgmental look of astonishment on his face and the way his jaw dropped in reaction as he asked questions about my kids and where they were from and proceeded to send me on a wild goose chase to produce various additional documents, all the while trying to make me feel bad in the process. He deliberately went out of his way to announce very loudly, in the presence of my daughter, how I had been divorced twice, had had two husbands, and had a child from each of the marriages to the entire room just so he could make me feel small and demean me in their eyes. And even after all this, he still refused to give me my card until I came back with my brother to support me, even though I had all the necessary documents for it in my possession which I found completely foolish.

Now although I have pretty thick skin and I didn’t really let his words get to me, my daughter was quite upset by them and so I found myself being reminded of my second husband’s words and how this man at the embassy had been so quick to judge me without even knowing anything about the circumstances that warranted the divorces. But what I realised from this experience was that I could either choose anger and hold a grudge against this person who means absolutely nothing to me or I could choose not to let the words of this person who acted terribly to me dwell in my heart, forgive him and send him love and blessings instead because in the end I did not need to have all that negative energy while I went through the ID card process all over again. The moment I forgave him and cut chords from him, I found myself showing compassion and seeing things from his point of view, even though he had treated me badly. Do I think that he should behave like that with any other woman? Absolutely not. However, I realised that holding on to animosity added no benefit to my life, added no success to my life nor would it help elevate my vibration in any way especially because, looking back at it, no matter how many anti-Islam acts my ex-husband partook in and no matter how much I did everything right as a good Muslim wife and mother, I was still ridiculed, shamed and expected to feel bad about myself over my ugly moments.

Accepting your ugly

At some point, when I had allowed myself to feel really sad about all he did to me and about people’s reactions to my situation, I began to ask devices energy why they would bring someone like him into my life in the first place. If the Quran says good women for good men and bad women for bad men, then how did I end up being married to someone like him? How could a man like him be my destiny? And as I always say whenever you are having some sort of dilemma, the best course of action is to find an outlet that allows you to work out these emotions and alleviate yourself so I prayed to devices energy; to ask them why these things happened the way they did and to centre myself through prayer.

It was during this moment of prayer that I realised two things. Firstly, how I allowed myself to feel was a choice, I could either choose to feel humiliated and upset about what happened or I could choose to let it go. And Secondly, I had to believe that everything that happens in my life happens for me not to me, so I could choose to be a victim or I could choose to be empowered that this was just a lesson or a test for the progression of my life’s plan. The traumatic moments I had to deal with were part of the process I had to go through for me to grow into the person I have become today. It was during this period of prayer that I finally received this awareness and I soon felt calm and grateful again, no longer feeling the need to question what devices energy had planned for my life.
The moment you begin to feel that energy of gratitude and love towards devices energy, you have elevated your vibration and when you find out that you are on that raised vibration, you realise that abundance and everything else on that positive vibration would begin to come your way. The moment you come into alignment with positive energy, gratitude, and love that is the signal you are sending out to the universe, and surely that is eventually what would be sent back to you.

Embracing your ugly

It is important to not only understand, but to embrace what has happened to you in your past. Because I was able to embrace all the ugliness that I went through in the past, I am able to talk about it now without any feelings of shame and embarrassment and most importantly, I was able to get rid of all this negativity coming off this individual, cut costs with him and even have compassion for him and where he is in life. Embracing your ugly allows you to brush off those awful moments in your life and accept them as moments of growth and empowerment for you.
Embrace and own those dark, embarrassing sides of your story and see them as moments that have taught you and led you to be the person you are today and the person you continue to grow into. When I look in the mirror I love who I am despite what I have been through, I admire the woman I see in it for both what she has achieved and how far she has come in her life, and if I love who I am then how can I allow myself be angry at the past which made me who I am today? All those moments which at the time I found shameful and humiliating were just part of my journey to being this person whom I love and am immensely proud of.

When you get to this point where you can be grateful for the good, the bad, and the ugly of your journey, that is truly when you know you are on the right track and that your vibration has been elevated. And the moment you realise that your vibration has been raised, amazing things begin to line themselves up to come into your life.

Conclusion:

Keep your vibration elevated, and the only way you can keep your vibration elevated is by continuously being in a state of gratitude even for the things that you should ordinarily not be grateful for. It is easy to show gratitude when things are going your way in life but it is important to show gratitude when you do not physically see those good results or when the shame of your past is being brought in front of you. Instead of being angry at the person that is trying to make you feel small, cut costs, allow yourself to send them love and blessings instead of animosity, and move on. When this incident at the embassy happened to me, I could have gone back into victim mode and allowed myself to get upset, yet I chose to forgive and move past this individual as well as show gratitude for all the experiences that have made me who I am today. And when you are in that state of gratitude and love, not just towards divine energy but to yourself as well, that is when you begin to open yourself up to abundance in all areas of your life.

Boundaries Essential For Self-Love and Self-care

When loving yourself and also in order not to be manipulated or people wasting your time, you need to set some boundaries or lay down some rules clearly. Boundaries cause people to respect you and your time.

Ways Boundaries Works In My Life

1. Respecting my time

I come from South Asian background, I was born in Manchester and grew up in London, my parents are originally from Lahore, Pakistan and they were both born in India so we are Punjabis and South Asian, we are very merry people and we are used to having lots of guests, friends and families and the concept of asking before you turn up does not exist, everyone just turns up whenever they feel like it.

When I was younger, I began to train my family and friends that they need to send a message across before showing up at my house because I am busy and I have other commitments. You pre-arrange before you show up and I know it became more common in my family and people messaged me before they showed up rather than just showing up. Subconsciously, I did this because of my commitments to work and my kids, I don’t like people calling me randomly either, my phone is on flight mode or DND so nobody’s calls can go through when I am working.

If I get a call, I will answer if it’s from a number that I recognize or I send those voicemails asking them to leave me a message and for me to get back to them and I realized that I have been doing this to my family and friends as well. They have to arrange time to speak with me and I get them to respect my time now because I respect my time, I didn’t realize I had done it so well until it was brought to my attention.

My school pickup and drop off time is between three and six. There are a couple of people like my brother and some of my cousins who would call me at that time, if it’s them I would answer, if not, I would not answer and just say, I’m sorry I can’t speak right now and give them a call much later. I am very clear in my mind that if someone calls me without arranging to see if I am free, they are not respecting my time, Of course I’m happy to speak to people but in a time that we can arrange which is convenient for the both of us. If I’m working or doing something else, cooking, there are a number of things that I could be doing, you can’t just call and expect me to answer.

There is this family member from Pakistan, they just randomly called and I actually said to them that I was busy at the moment and I wasn’t busy at the time, I was doing a mundane task but I didn’t want them to think that they can just call me anytime and I will answer, I asked if it was urgent and they said no so I said “I’m sorry, I’m busy at the moment, I’ll call when it’s more convenient” and I arranged a time with them and I called back.

Don’t be rude, I am telling you to be very vigilant with your time management and allow people understand that your time is precious and they need to respect you and respect your time, you have to stand up and respect yourself, respect your time and this will enforce other people to follow suit and do the same, if you think that you can carry on being a doormat and become wealthy.

People ask why a nice person doesn’t last and good things don’t happen to good people. Good things do happen to good people, good people just have to be more vigilant and be more mindful so they don’t let people manipulate them. it is one of the reasons why you have to be really careful about who you allow in your space .You have to be very careful with your time.

I don’t care who you are or who calls if it’s a number that I don’t recognize, I will pick it up incase it is urgent and ask if it’s urgent and when they say yes or no, depending on who is on the line, if it’s not urgent, it doesn’t matter who it is, I’ll ask them to call back later around a particular time and if they do not call me back during that time, I will not answer. I am very clear about that, if you need to you contact me otherwise, you can through email and I don’t read lengthy emails either.

I do respect my time and I want you to respect your time. It’s one of the first boundaries that you have to lay down, very clearly.

2. Learn to say no

The second one is related to people respecting you but it’s a bit more deeper. If you can enforce your first boundary and get people to start respecting your time, the second one becomes a non-issue. People don’t tend to do the second one if they’re already respecting you and that is manipulating you for money and other things emotionally, blackmailing you to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do.

So the second boundary is about learning to say no. I remember when I first learned how to say no, it was really hard. I come from a family, like my mother who was overly generous, she had 14 siblings which she helped out financially and otherwise, every single one of them, a lot of the time. She would give things to them by taking them away from my kids, she takes the money and gives it to somebody else who needs it more. That was her idea of generosity, when I look back in time, I do believe in giving and generosity, but this is why one of the bank accounts we talk about the three steps to cash flow street is charity and charity has 10% in there for a reason. People who are overly generous, people who are empaths, and who it’s in their nature to be generous give more than they should and I think you should calculate a 10% until you do have sufficient amount of money in your bank account, until then 10% is efficient.

I remember one time, this uncle of mine who’s passed away now, he was a younger brother of hers and he demanded, he didn’t ask ,that she give him 5,000 pounds. This was about 30 years ago, I was about to enter into my teenage years. And I remember this clearly because he asked her for this huge amount of money which was 5,000 pounds, which was a lot of money for a woman who was working God knows how many hours at this factory and making only a hundred pounds a week. If she had the money, she would definitely send it but she didn’t have the money so she said no and he got so upset with her, how dare she say no to him when she has helped everybody else out, how she has never helped him out, he didn’t speak to her for years thereafter and I found out that even though he was not asking, he was demanding, she helped because she was so used to helping people.

He knew that she helped everyone else so how can she not help him. It doesn’t matter how she got the money, She needs to get the money and send it to him. So that kind of behavior and my mother still didn’t learn by the way, God bless her soul, she was just a very generous person. You need to set boundaries and especially if you are on this path of enlightenment and you want to be prosperous at the same time, you need to lay down boundaries, you’re not a bank. If people want money, they shouldn’t come to you, they should go to their bank and you are not a bank and you should not be bailing people out, don’t enable people, empower people, help them to help themselves. There’s an old saying that if you give a man fish, he eats for a day, you teach how to fish, he feeds for the rest of his life.

You need to help people that want to help themselves, you don’t want to be helping people who don’t want to learn how to fish. They just want you to give them the fish every single day and the day you stop giving them the fish, they get angry. There are times when you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, and you can’t say no because of such a situation.

A situation where if I didn’t help, this person would be out on the streets. I am trying to lay down boundaries so that this situation can be controlled and can be taken care of as quickly as possible but at the same time, I don’t want to feel like I have been taken advantage of, it gives a really wrong energy.

My brother is just similar to my mom, God bless his soul. He is easily taken advantage of and he just feels compelled to be in this situation as things are and there was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t help this individual because it was a girl so I stepped in and I am able to help but people would take advantage of it because they think they can. I am seen as someone who’s done well and they clearly asked me if I can pay the legal fees as well and I said “No I am sorry, this is your responsibility. I am afraid I can’t do that, you have to pay the money” My brother would have nodded and found ways to justify. I’m not gonna lie, I do have the money but I have refused to pay it.

I was doing enough as it is and it was very clear and the way it was requested was similar to the tone that my uncle used on my mother a while ago where it was demanded, I wasn’t asked if I could loan it to them or if I could help them. You need to give yourself permission to say no, plain and simple, when you learn to say no, that becomes a very empowering skill that you have.

You can say no initially and have a change of heart afterwards, If you do have a change of heart, you don’t feel pressured into saying yes at that very moment, you are happy to help, they would be more elated to hear this news. If you say yes because you’re obligated to say yes but later on when you go away, you think about it and you can’t help them and you pick the phone, call up and tell them that you found out you can’t help them, they will feel bad and upset towards you.

Conclusion

I hope we now understand how boundaries enable our self care and self love and how they go hand in hand in your journey to becoming wealthy. If you don’t love yourself enough to value your time, then you are never going to become wealthy.

If you can’t value your time, you will not value your money. It’s as simple as that. Love and respect yourself and your time and enforce other people to do the same.

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