Gull Khan

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Tag: Virtues

Value yourself first before you become wealthy

Today we are going to be discussing why you need to value yourself first before you start to see your wealth.
During a recent session with my mastermind, we discussed the financial trauma of our pasts and how important it is for us to forgive ourselves for them and allow ourselves to move forward from said trauma. It was during this session that I realised how much pain and anger we as individuals hold against ourselves and how we set unrealistic standards for ourselves then get upset at ourselves for not meeting these standards.

Do you value yourself?

Generally, most of us do not see any reason to place value on ourselves and this is a terrible mentality to have when you are aiming to be wealthy. We never appreciate who we are and the unfortunate thing about this is if you do not have any value for yourself as a person then there will always be something missing in your life. No matter how much money you have, how many awards you receive, how many successful businesses you own, or whether you have a thriving family life, if you do not allow yourself to appreciate where you are now and what you are accomplishing then you will never truly be wealthy.

What is wealth?

Wealth is not determined by the amount of money you have in your bank account. Of course, I believe money should be one of your best friends; I am not going to be metaphysical and say ‘happiness is your wealth’ because having money is important, but truthfully there are many people who have a lot of wealth in their bank accounts and yet are still poor. To be truly wealthy, you have to have abundance in all areas of your life – your relationships, your health, your happiness, your mental health and of course your bank accounts. The true extent of your wealth does not stop at just making money so you cannot let money be your only focus in life; you cannot allow amassing money to be the source of your happiness. This realisation that there is more to wealth is what has allowed me to recognize the importance of appreciating who you are no matter the phase you are going through in your life.

You are valuable

During one of my workshops, I spoke on the difference between self-esteem and self-worth and I believe that self-esteem is something you continuously work on and strive to achieve while self-worth is independent of all your achievements, you need to make a conscious effort to accept that you are valuable just the way you are, no matter where you are in life. A pastor I listened to once explained that no matter what you have done or how much of a sinner you believe you are, God does not see you that way. Divine energy does not look down on you because you have sinned nor does Universal energy look down on you because you believe you have not lived up to your own expectations, no matter what the situation may be they are always supporting you and will always be there to guide you on the right path. Someone once told me that the universe is always trying to lead the right way no matter the wrong paths you have taken in the past, just like our satellite navigation system for example and how, when you take a wrong turn, she is always ready to readjust her directions and guide you back on your right path without looking down on you and criticising you for your mistake.
Similarly, Universal energy does not condemn you for the mistakes or wrong turns you have made in life and is always ready to put you back on the right track. There is nothing you can achieve that will make God or Universal energy love you more and there is nothing you can do that will make them hate you or dislike you either however that does not change karmic debt and the laws of sowing and reaping so if you are committing crimes or if you are attracting low vibrational energy then what you give is what you get back in return, that is universal and is the consequence of your own actions, not God punishing you.
As a child, my mother used to say that God loves us more than seventy mothers meaning God loves you seventy times more than your mother who already loves you more than anyone else in the world. This confused me because I remember thinking ‘If God loves me why does He punish me when I make a mistake? Why would God not forgive me when my mother can forgive me when I do something wrong?’ but now I have come to understand that there is a cause and effect for everything. God is not punishing you for doing wrong; rather, according to universal law, your actions and wrongdoings from the past are what come back and cause problems for you in the future. So in truth, you are punishing yourself later with your wrongdoings now.

Appreciate who you are

As human beings, criticising ourselves always comes so easily to us. Sometimes, even when we are doing things right we find reasons to look at the things we could have done better and criticise ourselves for them. You realise that you are constantly holding yourself to these ridiculously high expectations; asking yourself why you did not give a better presentation, whether you could have controlled your temper more, if you made all the right statements or wishing you were a better parent to your kids and this constant search for imperfections only makes you look down on yourself and see yourself negatively. Self-improvement is good, you should constantly strive to improve yourself and to remain in happiness and joy, not anger and frustration but you must also accept that you are a work in progress; if you were meant to be perfect, God would have made you that way.
We all have our individuality and our various quirks, our good, our bad, and our ugly’s but all these things are part of what makes us who we are now. The problem with the majority of us is we constantly look for our imperfections and shortcomings when really we need to accept that we are having a physical experience in a physical body and therefore will always have one shortcoming or the other. We are always going to make mistakes but what is most important is that we learn from these mistakes and not have unrealistic expectations of who we need to be or where we should be heading because these kinds of expectations are what hold us back from adequately loving ourselves and properly appreciating who we are as individuals.
This morning I woke up and I felt like I looked beautiful. My abusive ex-husband was a textbook narcissist and being married to him was the worst seven years of my life so it took me a long time to get where I am today but this morning, I looked in the mirror and told myself that I was beautiful and that I was gorgeous. And these were not affirmations, this was me appreciating my physical body for where she is now. Of course there are still things I would like to achieve, I still want to be a smaller size and I would still like to be healthier but overall I appreciated myself and I gave her all the love and compassion that I hardly ever showed her in the past. I found that I was always looking at my body when I was uncomfortable and it was in these uncomfortable moments that I focused on the negatives and found one imperfection or another with myself but now, especially recently, I tell myself how beautiful I am and I allow myself focus on the positive parts and the things I love about my physical body. I appreciate things about myself that I genuinely and truthfully love and refuse to let these negative imperfections make me feel less than who I am. I will always strive to improve and be a better version of myself but that does not change the fact that I am perfect just the way I am. There are so many things we can improve on in life and these things are ongoing but when you look in the mirror I want you to see yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and be proud of who you are, no matter your emotional scars. When I look in the mirror I allow myself to see this strong independent woman and I love her and where she is now no matter what I have been through or the emotional scars that I have, I am extremely proud of myself and that’s how you need to be with yourself as well.
Nobody knows your story and no one knows what you have been through to get to this point except you so it is your responsibility to be your own best friend. The only relationship you know is going to be with you forever is the one you have with yourself; when we die, our physical bodies will remain in this dimension and only our spirits will cross over to the next one so you need to stop being so hard on yourself and criticising yourself. You need to stop beating your body up and instead, look at yourself in the mirror and show your body more love and gratitude.


Appreciate yourself for getting up every time you fell and for all the hardships you have overcome to get to where you are now and once you start recognizing that you are a miracle and you begin to recognize your higher self constantly telling you how amazing you are, you are going to see your life transform and you are going to start to appreciate yourself for the things you are currently taking for granted. You are amazing and you deserve all the miracles, abundance, and happiness heading your way and if you do not allow yourself to feel like you deserve everything that the universe has to offer then you will self-sabotage, in one form of your wealth or the other. Strive to be a better person than you were yesterday, to help more people today than you did yesterday, to control your emotions better than you did yesterday, and as always, continue to improve yourself daily. Build a better relationship with yourself and watch how having a healthy, happy relationship with yourself would raise your vibration and steer abundance and wealth in your direction.

The virtues and vices of anger for your wealth

Virtues and Vices of anger in terms of wealth

Can anger be a virtue?

Let’s discuss the vices of anger and I will share a story with you relating the virtues of anger so we can all understand both sides when it comes to wealth.

There was this man that had a son and his son was very temperamental. He kept losing his temper so the father decided to teach his son a lesson in the best way possible. He made a pact with the boy that in order for him to start controlling anger, he needed to channel the anger in a different way. The father gave the son a task, that he should hammer a nail into the garden fence every time he loses his temper, they had a large garden fence and every time during the day when he lost his temper, the boy would hammer in one nail. At the end of the first week, he had hammered 37 nails into the fence, which wasn’t great.

He realized how awful it was and the effort it had taken him to hammer the nail directly into the fence and gradually he became aware of his behavior. He started controlling his anger, he found it a lot easier to control his anger than hammering nails into the fence. Gradually over the next few weeks, he began to control his anger as more and less nails went into the fence. It got to the point where he was no longer putting nails into the fence. He was quite happy and cheerfully went and told his dad that he was no longer putting nails into the fence because he could now control my anger.

The father was really pleased and said that was great but then he took his son out to the garden and said “Son look, now that you’ve put in all those nails, it is now time for you to remove them”. The son had to go back and pull out each of those nails from the fence. It took him a couple of weeks before he managed to take out the nails from the fence and again, he was very pleased with himself and he went and told his dad he has pulled all nails saying “I’ve now undone all the bad that I did” and the father said to him, “Interesting, let’s have a look”. So the father took the son back to the fence and showed his son that even though he had pulled out all the nails from the fence. Every single nail had left a hole behind which meant he could not undo the damage he’d done to the fence.

It was not repairable. All he could do was maybe put a filler in the fence, the wound will heal but the scar of it would still remain. This highlighted the fact that when you are angry and you say horrible things or do horrible things in a fit of anger, the emotional damage or the physical damage could heal up but unfortunately the scars and trauma from that anger remains, it highlights the importance of controlling your anger. I want you to understand anger on its own is not bad, everyone is allowed to be upset once in a while but the issue is the mode of expression.

What is anger?

Anger is just an emotion, the problem with anger is when you operate from a fit of anger, When you say or do things and behave in a way that can be damaging to you and other people when you are in a state of anger. There’s no way that you can say something mean to someone else without harming yourself, that’s just the law of the universe and how karma operates. So when you are acting on anger negatively, this is when you are wrong as anger on its own is an emotion that you can use.

Virtues Of Anger

When we are angry, we are actually operating from a space of defense, we are defending ourselves. We are defending our virtues, our beliefs, we’re simply defending something and usually when we get angry, we are threatened, if not consciously, then subconsciously and that’s why we behave and react or retaliate in that way. However, if you can become aware of what causes your anger or your trigger points, the same way this little boy in my story became aware of his anger and then began to control it.

If you can control your anger, you can turn that emotion into a powerful tool. So, one of the best things I found and this is not by my opinion alone, lots of psychologists and great thought leaders have said the same thing. Anger is something that you can use as a tool. If you get angry, if you are a temperamental person, I’m someone who’s highly emotionally charged and I do get angry but instead of acting on anger and behaving in a harmful manner to me and others, I choose to channel my anger in a different way. I choose to use my anger as a tool to push me forward in my goals and this is a virtue of anger. One of the best benefits of anger is when you use it to get to your goals faster, I find people becoming very lethargic or apathetic to their goals , to their life mission until they feel indignant or embarrassed or ashamed for some reason, some other emotion comes into place which makes them angry for being in that situation which actually is the push required for people to get moving.

Using myself as an instance, I was in a dead marriage. My marriage with Irfan had probably ended in the first year, we still went on to have a child in the second or third year, I can’t remember the exact year but the marriage was just based on the wrong things and overly compromising, the marriage wasn’t really there from beginning, but I still tried to make it work. 2015, I knew the marriage was over, It was a dead horse that I was beating. I was trying to make it work, and I knew it wasn’t gonna work and One of my cousins really kept saying “Girl, you need to end this, you need to end this”. I was so uncomfortable and miserable, a lot of abuse was melted out to me both physically (not so much) and emotionally, I was completely convinced by my ex that I was ugly, fat, stupid, and couldn’t handle money.

I was stuck in that marriage, I didn’t have sufficient motivation to leave, In march 2016 when i found out about his first affair, he convinced me that it wasn’t a general affair, it was just texting, that he would never cheat on me and I still believed him, the situation didn’t make me indignant enough to leave him, I was upset with him but not angry enough to leave him. So come 31st of August 2016, I caught him red-handed with his 19 year old girlfriend literally in bed with him, I look back at that time and I think that was when I was extremely angry, screaming, fuming and crying but that was something that I needed, I needed that anger to get out of that situation.

When I look back at that time, I’m grateful to him and that girl, whatever she did or didn’t do, I’m not judging her character at all but I’m forever grateful to her because if she didn’t come into the picture, if they didn’t do what they did, by the way, both of them lied to me when I first found out about the affair in March, I actually became friends with her thinking I was trying to help this young girl get into a better position because I thought this 42 year old man was manipulating the 19 year old. I guess I was very naive at the time anyway and I think I was betrayed by both of them, I still have no hard feelings towards her. I send her love and blessings because if it wasn’t for her, I would still be in that dead marriage, instead of thriving and having multiple seven figure businesses, I would probably be six feet under or most likely the asylum because I would have lost my faculties and had a mental breakdown by now.

I would have either been in deep depression or suicidal but that anger allowed me to have enough motivation to move out of that situation. This is why I think anger is a beautiful emotion. When you are angry, it gives you the fuel required for you to move most of the time. People get uncomfortable then they become comfortable being uncomfortable that they don’t move out of the situations, anger makes you indignant, ashamed, frustrated. If you’re angry, frustrated, ashamed, you will do something about it. You will shift away from those situations, and this is what anger can help you do. A situation can make you sufficiently angry to give you the motivation to take action. You already know you have to make a move but you are procrastinating, this is one of the best virtues of anger, If you act on anger, Yes you will leave holes in the fence, the damage you do when you are angry and upset can never be repaired but it causes you to move when done right.

When I’m angry, It’s my inner self telling me that I am not happy with the situation, that I need to make a change. This could be in your finances, your business and your career or even your relationship, it doesn’t really matter. It depends on you where you are and you are fully aware of it. You are never angry, because you’re angry, You do know why you’re angry, You are just refusing to accept it.

“I’m just an angry person. I get angry all the time.”

Why do you get angry all the time?

Why do people trigger you all this time?

There must be a reason, you have to become aware of what makes you angry and what the underlying reasons behind it are. I knew I wanted to be out of this marriage for a while, I was looking for a way out subconsciously, but consciously, I just thought I was going to make it work. This was my second marriage, I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want the kids to grow up without a father. I was going to make it work but it was a horrible marriage and he was an awful dad.

He is better now but then he wasn’t there for his children, i knew this man was absolutely an awful husband and equally bad as a father, yet I stayed in the marriage thinking because i didn’t want my second marriage to spoil. The point is that anger gave me motivation, I remember when I was younger I was really angry at my father and I channeled my anger towards education and also when I was angry at my brother too, my brother when we were a lot younger was a juvenile delinquent, he did everything under the sun that he could possible imagine putting my mother through hell.

My brother did everything wrong and because I got so annoyed, upset and angry with him, I channeled that anger and the anger towards my father cheating on my mother and remarrying and not giving us any financial support, I channeled this anger I felt towards them into my work. I was extremely motivated to be different, to ease my mother’s heartache. I studied so hard that even though I’m dyslexic and I couldn’t read a full sentence until I was 11 or 12 years old in high school, I didn’t let that stop me, I carried on and as I grew older, I was able to compensate for my dyslexic habit or dyslexia.

Therefore, my grades became better because I was able to have better bridges, I studied hard, I was able to study because I had the motivation. Now I’m one of the most ambitious people I know, when I look back and think about it, for someone in their early 20s, a teenager, I was really ambitious. Why? Again my passion came from my anger and I wanted to prove to my father that I didn’t need his money. I could make money on my own so I was highly motivated to succeed. I was going to make it, I was going to become extremely successful or die trying and that’s what I did. I became extremely successful, both in my career and in my finances and now in my current career and business as well, my anger comes from the passionate side.

I am an extremely passionate person, I am passionate about money, abundance and about teaching people about abundance. This is where my passion comes from, my passion also means I can be angry. I do get angry, because I feel very strong emotions towards certain things but instead of getting angry at people, I channel that anger into constructive action and this is why I succeed. So I’m telling you that there are virtues in anger and I am a prime example. Yes, I still need to control my anger better and I’m working on it but nine times out of 10, if something makes me angry, it makes me take action at a greater level and I far exceed my competitors because I am so passionate, and because I am so angry about something.

I don’t want you to look upon anger and say, that’s a negative emotion and I shouldn’t get angry, I ask you to embrace every emotion that comes to service, I encourage it. If you are angry, don’t do self-destructive things, we are going to channel anger into action, and that actually is gonna get you closer to your goals.

A lot of times when you get stuck in procrastination, the best way is to become indignant about something is to be angry at something, this is a way for you to be so annoyed and upset you are moved to take action which you should have done two years ago and this is why there are virtues in anger, but we cannot ignore the fact that anger has vices.


I hope you look upon your emotions of anger with a different light and you realize that you can actually channel your anger into taking greater action and that greater action will bring greater wealth to you. You cannot direct it to people because if you direct it to people , then you will lose, direct it at constructive action, which allows you to get close to your goals.

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